in Thoughts

2016 eff yooo

I’ve used Ironman as an excuse to keep away from people this year. I haven’t really seen my friends and probably lost some friends, because I’ve avoided my usual social gatherings and rides. I didn’t do a single OBRA race this year which is often how I connect with people.

Some of it was the training; I can’t be going on attack-fest rides, and I feel bad to make people wait for me. But honestly this year has just sucked for so many reasons, and I had a hard time reaching out given how much effort it seemed to take to find a time that worked for everyone. I just didn’t have the energy or the will. Most of the issues are related to family (death, addiction, divorce, heart disease, etc); it’s been pretty much one thing after another, and it is still ongoing. The election was really the cherry on this shit sandwich.

However, in general, I manage to be optimistic and in good spirits. I think there must be a happiness set point, because I really should be much more depressed then I am. Or I’m in complete denial (I am seeing a therapist for the first time in my life, highly recommended).

Among the shit storm there has been many blessings.Ā  My niece was born in September, happy and healthy. I did my first season of triathlon since 2007 and managed to do a full Ironman with no injury and a decent time, and I’ve made a ton of new friends through the sport. I have some new creative projects rolling, hopefully I will make something happen in that realm.

I’ve been grappling with my future over the past year(s), who I am, who I want to be, how I want to spend my time. I’m primarily talking about my career, but given that that is where I spend most of my day, it’s a pretty important part of life. I continue to have no answers, only more questions and hand-wringing. I’m hoping going to make 2017 a turning point for me, I just have to figure out which way to turn.